After Becka died I always thought about it on my own terms. I’d think about her here and there; something funny would remind me of her or her name would pop up somewhere, but it was always on my own account. Seeing Jess’s mom post pictures of her every birthday, or every time she’s feeling sad that Jess ripped such a void into her life, her brother’s life, her sister’s life, her dad’s life, her future nieces lives, kills me. I feel bad that sometimes I forget until someone brings it up when every day it must make their lives impossible to live.
Slept for about 3 hours last night because of the weird nightmare/daydream things that have been happening, got lost in the parking lot this morning going into my new store, felt like the new kid at school, got lost in the parking garage for a good 45 minutes trying to find my car while thinking about the person who just got shot and killed there, thinking about Jess for hours because she would have been 27 today, probably with a husband and a bunch of kids.
Silver lining: I got to spend Saturday with a really great group of girls while they tried on bridesmaids dresses. It was really a swell time.
ive never identified w something more